summer time

very excited about warm weather...we had a small taste last week...randomly created an outfit on polyvore in honor of the high temps.

i think i want to learn to play violin

i remember my fav composers when i played oboe also wrote lots of pieces for violin...maybe i'll start to play

if i were a boy

i would wear these shoes...they're from Clae

chicken fried

every so often i make an attempt at frying chicken...tonight, as is the norm, i failed. oh well...fried foods aren't good for me anyway...

i like this song...

prayer

haven't written here in a really long time. i guess i haven't had anything i felt was necessary to write about even though i claimed i was going to "get serious" about the entire blog thing. anywho, i've been feeling the need to talk to someone about this topic, and i discussed it a bit with my line sister, and she was really helpful, but i feel that i would also like to work through it a bit here. this may possibly be my last post at this site. im not sure, but i feel like it may be easier for me to write at a different domain. that will be decided soonly....ok, so, the issue is faith. recently in church, my pastor brought up the idea of prayer. most specifically, he brought up the thought of listening to God rather than simply sending up prayers. God speaks back! From that point on, i decided to make sure to listen, consistently, to what God may or may not be saying. well, a few weeks ago, i prayed about something that I feel very seriously about. God answered. Problem is, he didn't answer in exactly the way that I would have liked. I tried to heed his advice, to not become involved in a certain situation, but my faith was nowhere near as steadfast as it should have been. I continued to pursue something that He didn't want me to do. I tried convincing myself that I had heard wrong. Maybe it was just my mind telling my heart to do something different. Now, I really wish I had listened. Instead, He kind of forced me out of a situation that would have thwarted his plans for me. It ended in me being hurt. Until now, I was even confused about the reason for my pain. I wasn't necessarily hurt by the actions taken towards me. In reality, I'm hurt because I KNEW better...because God TOLD me better. God told me: this is not good for you. in fact, its detrimental to you and your lifestyle and possibly even your health. I still wanted to listen to myself. Now i know what God sounds like, and I know what God wants me to do. I realize that I must walk in faith. I'm actually excited for what He has shown me, which excites me even more because it means that I have grown spiritually.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

backwards as this, shit

This is that kanye mini movie...i was all with the concept for a little while, and still think i somewhat understand what he was going for...something about his last album spoke to me, i guess because i feel like i understand the emotions he was putting into his music...a friend of mine said once that "it's one thing to like kanye's album, it's another thing entirely to have lived through that sh!t.



btw, the post title is froma haiku from one of my fav writers

disgusted...yet again

Haven't posted in awhile, but this is something that I felt was important enough to bring me back from my hiatus. This is something that happened in Chicago. An honor student was beaten to death during a "gang" fight. Basically the students were fighting using only fists and wooden planks. This kid got hit while allegedly trying to help another student.

Honestly, watching the video almost made me cry for several reasons

-I thought of how most of what I saw on twitter after the release of this video dealt with mashonda and alicia keys, and this was true of even black people from Chicago...i think that people are just desensitized to violence in this city. I know that since I moved here, I am much less emotionally affected by the violence that plagues this city.

-A lot of the kids just watched the whole scene, and the one who tried to help, ended up dying. this is an obvious reason why so many people just stood by and watched

-the death of this man basically means that several more young black men's lives have ended. they will be thrown into the justice system for what was, in essence, a school fight gone horribly wrong. they were wrong, i'm not denying that they should have to take responsibility...but the justice system is going to turn these kids into hardened criminals..if they ever get out of prison, they will probably be even more of a burden on society because they will not be able to get jobs, and will have learned to lead a criminals life with the real murderers in prison

-chicago is worried about getting the olympics...it would be a great opportunity for those who stand to make money from them, but honestly, the event will not benefit the black people who inhabit the regions of the city that will be directly affected. They will wipe peoples neighborhoods out, and black businesses won't see a large amount of contracts, so the money will not come to our community. Chicago has much more to worry about, ie, the lives of the children, the education system, the poverty, the homelessness...obviously this list could go on forever

-the city decided to step up security at the high school where this occurred...obviously, this is a reactive approach...could nothing have been done prior to this. in a city where a large number of school age children are killed each year, you would think that the city would take a more proactive approach

that said, here's the video of the fight...it's kinda gruesome, so don't watch if you get squeamish